Fear factor

Every time I step onto the elevator to go up to class, I get afraid that it's going to break down and I will be stuck. I know I probably shouldn't think this way, but the elevator always makes this lurch, and then a long pause, before finally opening the doors. And according to the chart inside the elevator, it's only inspected once a year. That just does not seem like enough to me. I'm paranoid that one day I will get stuck in there, with only sticks of Doublemint gum as nourishment.

Going from the silly to the serious, I live in fear that something will happen to someone I love while we're alone. For example, I'm afraid that my sister will be driving us somewhere and suddenly pass out, leaving me to handle the car. This fear stems from what happened to my mother; I was alone in our apartment with her when she had her aneurysm. I found her unconscious and had to call 911, answer questions from the paramedics, etc. It was incredibly scary, and I'm just so afraid that something like that will happen again. For the first year after she died I would keep my cell phone at my side at all times, even taking it into the bathroom with me while I showered, just in case I needed to call for help for some reason. I've broken myself of that habit, but I'm still afraid.

I don't know that I will ever fully overcome my fears. I don't have much family, and losing my mother was hard enough. If something happened to anyone else, I honestly don't know how I could go on. Hopefully, I will never have to find out.