Lies Sweet Valley Told Me

I read Sweet Valley books religiously as a kid. My sister is ten years older than me, so I inherited all of her original edition Sweet Valley Highs, then added to the collection by buying the newer books. Truthfully I always preferred Sweet Valley Twins--the Unicorn club was fabulously fun, Liz wasn't a self-righteous bitch, Amy was still a tomboy. Good times. Still, all of my Sweet Valley reading indoctrinated me with ideas of what high school would be like, all of which would be lies. Let's take a look:

--I could magically have a "perfect size six figure" despite eating burgers and fries and not really exercising, a la Elizabeth. [Ha! Good one.]
--5'6" is the height to be. [Actually, I am 5'6", but I hardly think it would matter if I were taller or shorter, so suck it, Francine Pascal.]
--Handsome jocks always fall for the nerdy studious types--I'm looking at you, Todd and Liz. [Please. In my school, jocks never dated outside the cheerleaders/popular clique.]
--I can spend all my time socializing and never studying but still make passing grades just like Jessica does. [Let me tell you, I worked my ass off for my GPA.]
--Tanning on the beach is the best pastime. [I unfortunately didn't live on the coast, but whenever I was outside I never worried about sunscreen. Now I obsessively check the size of my moles to make sure I don't die of skin cancer.]
--Kidnappings and the death of one's boyfriend are totally normal and not a reason to scar anyone for life. [The number of kidnappings across this series is astounding. And Jessica's got a whole cemetery full of dead boyfriends. Yet in the next book she's always just dandy.]
--Twins are totes better than everyone else. [Oh, how I longed to be a twin. Someone who looked just liked me! Someone who was totally different from me yet somehow my best friend!]
--I could hook up with the entire male population (not doing anything more than kissing) and yet not have a bad reputation. [In real life a girl would do more than just make out with the football team, yet even if she didn't she would still be labeled slutty. It's ludicrous that no one calls Jess out on her behavior.]
--California is always sunny and warm and the east coast is inferior. [This east coast girl likes walking to class in the snow, thank you very much.]