More SVH--Nightmare in Death Valley

Previously: Jessica, Elizabeth, Todd, Ken, Bruce, and Heather were all chosen to camp out in Death Valley because they wrote fabulous essays. This book claims that the teens were chosen because they are all student leaders. That actually makes a lot more sense than the essay contest, but it's still a continuity error, so FAIL, ghostwriter. Epic fail. Also, our group was about to be killed either by the deadly storm they were trapped in or by those pesky convicts Heather kept mentioning.

In the middle of a massive downpour...
SAINT LIZ: We're going to die! AHH!!
(the rain stops)
SAINT LIZ: Wow, that was a close one.

The next day...
SAINT LIZ: Heather can barely walk, we're low on food and water, and we must make it back to civilization. Let's leave Heather here.
HEATHER: What??
JESSICA: Yes!
KEN: We can't leave Heather alone. I'll stay with her.
JESSICA: Oh no no no, I'll stay with Heather. You guys go on without us, ta ta now!

Later...
SAINT LIZ: There's a fork in the trail. We can take the higher path and spend all of our time climbing, or we can take the lower path. We need to take the higher path.
KEN: Clearly.
TODD AND BRUCE: Um, no.

They break up in pairs, Todd and Bruce going down (dirty!) and Liz and Ken going up.
SAINT LIZ: Oh, Ken, you're so handsome. Remember all those special times we had together when I was cheating on Todd? Want to do it again?
KEN: I thought you were in love with him.
SAINT LIZ: That rule only applies when I can see him.
KEN: Still, I'm dating your sister now. Let's just snuggle in our sleeping bags, okay?

Meanwhile, Bruce and Todd do some really boring shit, and Jessica and Heather hang out.
HEATHER (thinking to herself): Jess is so pretty. And she's a great cheerleader. I'm really kind of jealous of her and wish we could be friends.
ME: Oh, of course the one character who hates Jessica is secretly admiring of her. OF COURSE. (the girls fall asleep, but Jess wakes up in the middle of the night)
JESSICA (thinking to herself): Oh my effing God it's the convicts. Heather was right.
HEATHER (waking up): Hey, what's going on...AHHH!!! CONVICTS!!!
(the convicts tie the girls up)

The next day, Todd leads Bruce back to Ken and Liz because he misses her. Yawn.
Also, Liz is about to fall off of the mountain that she insisted she climb up.
SAINT LIZ: My life is flashing before my eyes! All those years of being sixteen!
BRUCE (somehow winding up above Liz, hears her screams): Hang on Liz! I'll save you! But only one handed, because the other hand is holding my bag of gold!
SAINT LIZ: HELP ME, YOU FOOL!
(Bruce drops the gold)_
SAINT LIZ: Hey, what's that noise?
(a giant eagle tries to attack Bruce to get his gold)
ME: Are you shitting me? This book sucks ASS.

Ken, Liz, Todd and Bruce find Jess and Heather. They rescue them from the convicts (an easy task considering how deeply stupid they are) and even befriend one of the convicts, Jack. This is all incredibly dumb.
SAINT LIZ: Now we can finally hike home!
JESSICA: Yay! Do you think it will take very long--
(she stops talking because suddenly they realize they are fifty yards from a gas station.)
ME: *headdesk*

La la la, they get home, discover the gold they had wasn't even real, and that the diary that Liz found was a fake (they say it was from a theater group who just left it in the desert. Um, okay). The real point about the book is that for years I only had part one, which I rather enjoyed, so I was thrilled when I got my hands on this book. And then I read it and realized what a piece of shit it is. Clearly some things are better left to my imagination.